today i bought a fern. i think i'm going to name it fern. after the character in charlotte's web. you may think that's unoriginal or even insulting, but i suspect that the only reason i decided to get the fern in the first place was because of my frond associations with that girl, who loved all living things.

"I worry about Fern. Did you hear the way she rambled on about the animals, pretending that they talked?"
Mr Arable chuckled. "Maybe they do talk," he said. "I've sometimes wondered."
"I don't think it's normal. You know perfectly well animals don't talk."
"Maybe our ears aren't as sharp as Fern's," he said.

fern was my proto-buber.

in addition to buying a fern, i also had one of my most amazing masturbatory moments ever this evening. i can't remember the last time i made noises out loud while masturbating, if ever i did. without going into too much detail for those of my zero readers who have delicate ears, let's just say it involved using my vibrator, now robbed of its vibe, in a new way.