well now that my computer is dead, i can only do this from work, which means that from now on this blog will be an exercise in creative time theft.

that being said, i've felt relatively productive recently. despite the fact that on the back burner of my mind is an endless loop of thoughts of physical contact with men. it's not that i'm horny, or lonely, or even feeling the need for the security and comfort of being held (as i'd been for the months of nov. and dec.). in fact, i don't know exactly what it is. the images that roll by aren't of fucking, penetration, or stimulation; they're no longer of strong masculine forearms keeping me close like a big human seatbelt. they're more like: thumb on the neck, fingers in the hair, hand on the inner thigh, cheek on the jawline, the casual bumping of the insides of knees. and the more horizontal: smooth belly on hairy belly, socked feet commingling.

i feel like the desire for these things is less dangerous to my singlehood than the desire for fucking, holding, etc., because they can be acquired in a casual manner, without any emotional involvement.